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Recently, I was clicking around in old files, and came upon this photo. The cursive was written by my husband’s late Grandmother, Dorothy. I want to share it with you.

“Open”

I had a friend in high school

Who used to give me a

Daily hug.

I squirmed

And felt uncomfortable.

But it was like a

Vitamin

And brought me a

Connection

That I needed.


This morning I drempt

Of another hug

By a friend I admired.

It was long

And rich.

I felt it in my body

And in my soul.

The best kind of dream.


I do not like to give hugs

In real life

For I fear they will

Reveal me.

My distaste for you

My passion for you

My deep love and need for you

My fear of you

And your judgement of me.


I’ve always imagined

That when I go to heaven

And see Jesus for

The first time

I would like to give him

A hug.

It’s one I’ve been saving

Full of all my longings

My thanks

My pains

And my pleasures.

Will I have a body to

Deliver this hug?

Arms to embrace

A head to bow?


In this time of isolation

I think about the hugs

I want to give

And perhaps those that

Others need.

When this is over

My arms

My heart

Will be open.

Sister hugs

You broke my heart

And I don’t understand

What I did

Or didn’t do

To stop you from loving me.

All along

You’ve had my heart.

I gave it to you

And now a piece of me

Is missing.

I feel its loss,

And wait patiently

For its return.

Being a mom of two is a little crazy and hard work, but I love it!

After reading one of my cousin’s recent blog posts, I started thinking again about something that’s been on my mind for awhile.  Without trying to sound conceited or patronizing, I am wondering how one remains faithful and loves God more when things are “going well.”

In all honesty, I found it easier to reach out for God in the difficult circumstances I went through several years ago. At that point, all I could do was reach out and just hang on.  For the past 6 years or so, my life has been really good…perhaps even easy.  Sure, I’ve had challenges (starting a career, having a baby, navigating life changes, etc), but there have been no tragedies.  No death, no divorce, no major health issues, no lack of security…   I live in America; I live in abundance.  Perhaps the biggest challenge I face on a daily basis is simply my faithfulness to God instead of living for myself or any of the other idols we worship in our culture.

Several years ago I came across this verse, and it imprinted deeply in me:

Psalm 37:3 “Trust in the LORD and do good; dwell in the land and [a]cultivate faithfulness.”

I can’t say that I’ve always been faithful.  In fact, I’ve been far from it quite a bit.  But God has always been faithful.  And I know He wants me to walk in that, to practice that.  Sometimes I think it might look like mopping my floors or planning a meal.  Sometimes it means forgiving someone even if they aren’t sorry, or giving my son loving attention when I am tired of him and would rather do something else.

Truthfully, I’m not completely sure I know how to love God more, but perhaps faithfulness in the little things is a start.  I may not be moving fast, but I suppose even baby steps will take me somewhere.