You are currently browsing the category archive for the ‘Marriage’ category.

Let me be trivial for a moment.  Here is something I do not get: why can’t I get good advice from my husband when it comes to clothes?

The shirt in question

Last weekend I went shopping at Old Navy.  I had no intention of buying anything for myself, but in my experience, I usually find something I like when I’m not really looking for it.  Anyhow, as I was meandering around, I saw this shirt and thought to myself, this might be a good shirt on me: that particular cut of the sleeves works well for me, it’s modest, it’s a good fabric for summer, the ruffle makes it a bit more dressy and I like that, and I’m not sure, but think the color is nice with my skin.  So i quickly tried it on and looked in the mirror.  Not bad, but here’s the real test-what does the husband think?  Thinking he might like it (and hopefully give me a compliment), I showed him.  “What do you think, honey?” And do you know what came out of his mouth?

Something along the lines of  EWWWUUUGGHHH!!!  (Not to mention the disgusted look on his face.)

I mean, come on, is it that bad?!  So with my head hung, I stuck the shirt back on the rack.  What woman would buy a shirt when her husband gave her about the worst reaction she could get?  Still feeling flabbergasted about his lack of agreement to my opinion, I dared to ask him a question, “Did you not like that shirt because of the color of the shirt, or how it looked on me?”  His response: The color-it’s UGLY!

GRAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!

I should be laughing at this point, but it’s the usual frustration/confusion/again reminding myself that I never need to go shopping with my husband and stop dragging him along.

All I wanted to know was if it looked good on me, not whether or not he liked the color.  To be fair, I asked him what he thought, but really all I ever want to know when I ask him about clothes is if it makes me look better.  Does the fit accentuate the right parts?  Does it diminish the less attractive ones?  Does it look somewhat dressy and nice?  Does the color bring out my eyes, or make my cheeks look rosy, or go well with my skin tone?  Am I pretty in it?  Shouldn’t he know this???

I really could care less about his opinion of the article of clothing by itself.  I mean, I’ve seen lots of pretty girls make something ugly look good.  They wear it because they feel good in it.  If I feel good in a piece of clothing, I’ll wear it, no matter if someone else thinks it’s an ugly shirt.  Well, okay, maybe I do care a bit about what my husband thinks.

I did consider buying it in navy, which I know looks nice on me, but after the last 10 minutes, there was no way I’d ever feel very pretty in that shirt.  Alas.  (I suppose it’s all for the best, as it was like $20 or $30, and I feel this is way too much to pay for a shirt from Old Navy.)

The moral of the story?  I’m not sure.  It could be: Never drag your husband out shopping, Don’t ask for his opinion first, Stop worrying about what other people think, or even, Be more decisive?

As it happens, this is just another example of the differences between men and women.  Next time, I’ll ask a girlfriend.  She’ll know what I mean.

Remember how I said I had a new project idea? Well, I finished it! This was something that had been rolling around in my head for awhile, but I finally decided to do it for VDay this year.

I initially bought a circle punch to create a bunch of tiny round notes, but when I found this cute Valentine paper, I decided to go with that.

Cute Valentine Paper

My plan was to write 365 things that I love about Matt on them, like I love you because you are trustworthy. “Love” notes, if you will.  Unfortunately, I couldn’t actually think of 365 things I love about Matt (I know, I know), so I improvised.   I also wrote things like, Rachael will pack your lunch today. and Needing a little help? Ask Rachael one thing and she’ll take care of it today. and *Let’s put the baby to bed early tonight, if you know what I mean… I also added a few Bible verses (from God) and some Daddy love notes (from Caleb).  I bought a pretty jar and put them all in there.

This was actually a great exercise for me. It really helped me think of small specific things that I am thankful for or love about Matt. Even when I got stuck for awhile, I went back later and was able to think of more. It was even good to work on it when I was upset with Matt for a few days. (Though not easy.) It helped me to stop throwing myself a pity party and get over my selfishness.

I think Matt liked it.  We’ll see if he ends up reading one each day.  I am sure he’ll like it more when he finds the *less boring* ones.  (No cheating honey!)  🙂

If this is something you want to try, I recommend typing it all out on a document first. I did this (password protected, of course) and it was easy to write in parts-I could highlight what I had already written and come back later.

I have a great idea of what to do with my leftover paper squares.  If I ever follow through with it, I’ll let you know!

Saw this hilarious comic in the Lincoln paper on our way home this weekend. I laughed out loud because I thought it fit us perfectly. It will definitely be hanging on our fridge. 🙂

After reading these two posts on Ellen’s Blog, I am feeling a little convicted about some things.

Lately I’ve been struggling in my communication with Matt.  I think for the longest time I’ve felt that a husband and wife should tell each other when something they did is bothering them.  While I still think it’s good to be open and honest, I’m starting to wonder if my means of communication are doing more harm than good.

Before Matt and I got married, I learned what the role of the wife is.  In Genesis, when God made Eve, he called her Adam’s “`ezer”, or helper.  Interestingly, the only other times when this word is used in the Bible is in reference to God Himself.  (See this page for information; scroll down to the bottom.)  I took/take this to mean that a wife has an extremely significant and honorable role in the life of her husband.

To get more specific without airing all our dirty laundry, what I really want to know is how to fulfill my role as a wife in an honorable and Godly way.  When we have conflict and I disagree with Matt, how do I communicate my feelings and still submit to him as God wants me to? (Eph. 5:22-24) How can I be a helper to him when I sometimes disagree with what he does and I think my way is better?  At the same time, it’s extremely frustrating to feel like I could help a situation, but not have him understand me or not accept my help.  Like I said, it’s something I’m struggling with.

At the beginning of one of her posts, Ellen shared this verse, which really hit home to me:

Proverbs 18:2

“A fool has no delight in understanding but only in expressing his own heart.”

I’m wondering if this is one of the mistakes that I’ve been making-speaking rather than listening.  It’s one that I’m definitely sorry for and hoping that I can improve in the future.  I feel that my relationship with my husband is the most important one I have, and I want to take care of it.  Wives, has anyone else struggled with this same thing?  What do you think?  How do you communicate disagreement in a respectful way, and still fulfill your role as a “helper” to your husband?

So, this is a few days late of one month, but it’s close enough.  Here are my thoughts of being a mom so far:

  • When I first gave birth to Caleb, and the nurse handed him to me, it was not love at first sight.  I don’t know about other moms, but it took quite a few days for me to feel some attachment to him; breastfeeding really helped with this.
  • I think I was a walking Zombie for the first two weeks; I had no idea that babies needed to be fed at least every 3 hours…that’s no more than 2 hours of sleep at a time!  I’ve always been a heavy sleeper, but it was amazing that I was able to wake up for every feeding.  I guess I do have mom instincts.
  • Recovering from birth takes a lot longer than I expected as well.  This may have something to do with the lack of sleep…
  • Breastfeeding is difficult-it definitely takes some getting used to, by mom and baby.  Talking with a lactation consultant helped immensely.
  • Though a bit on the pricey side, Special Addition, in N. Austin, is the best store I’ve been to.  I highly recommend checking it out.  The staff helped me find a great nursing bra that fits perfectly, and gave me lots of tips as well.
  • Caleb pretty much just sleeps, eats, and dirties his diapers.  Oh, and cries (I hear him now).  I love the times when he just curls against my shoulder after eating, but I’m also looking forward to him being a little older and able to interact with him more.
  • I am very grateful for the people who brought us food the first two weeks.  I think I may have starved if not for them. ❤
  • I really enjoy watching Matt interact with Caleb.  It makes me happy.
  • A marriage is definitely challenged by a baby.  There are already things that Matt and I have disagreed on, which is tough and will take working on.
  • Our marriage is also enriched by having a baby;  it’s a pretty special thing to become a parent with your spouse.  I wouldn’t have picked anyone else to share this with.
  • Matt and I are reading BabyWise, and trying out this method of organizing the insane task of feeding and getting Caleb to sleep.  There have been some challenges, but we’ll see where it goes.  There’s quite a bit of controversy surrounding this book, so the jury is still out on it.
  • I love cuddling with Caleb.  It is very satisfying to have a little baby sleep in your arms.
  • Even though having a baby is hard, I have this feeling that it’s only going to get more challenging as he gets older.  Someday I may think back to when Caleb was a baby and relish these early baby moments.